Wreckless Roommate Case Study #1 by Brian

PIGS ROLL AROUND in the mud to stay cool. But they’re pigs; that’s what pigs do. Roommates however can’t plea “animalia” unless they’re defended by Mike Tyson’s attorney.

“But your honor,” this is a true story, “my client is an animal.” That’s a lousy defense. And that’s exactly what Tyson’s attorney pled. But this case study isn't about bad defense attorneys or pigs.

My roommates don’t exactly roll around naked in the mud to stay cool. They do it because they’re roommates?

Number one mistake made by roommates

Washing pots and pans before you use them and storing them messy for days in the sink, on every inch of counter top, and on the stove. Don’t do this. It’s disrespectful to others in the house. Instead of washing pots and pans before you use them, wash everything you use after you use them. You could try doing what people did in Shakespeare’s thatched world. They licked their plates clean and flipped ‘em over for dessert. But that tradition happened at about the same time that two-thirds of the finger licking island died of the plague.

Best Practice for Roommates

Clean behind the ears, and wash dishes you use after (emphasis on "after") you use them so that you can store them away clean for anyone else you’re sharing the kitchen with. In turn, you’ll always have clean dishes stored in the cupboards instead of filthy ones thrown in the sink. And, you end up washing them the exact same amount of times.

Final Thought

Acknowledge that you’re sharing space with other people. Be considerate and leave them a kitchen they can use too. Place everything you mess up cleanly back into the cupboards.

If You’re Like Me

It's nearly impossible for me gracefully to tell my roommates that they are messy pigs. I get angry half way through the first sentence and drop to all fours going oink oink. In my mind, telling them to clean up after themselves is no different than asking pigs to quit rolling around in the mud naked. Not going to happen.

I decided to buy my own pots, pans and dishes. I keep only what I need in a special cupboard in my room. When I’m ready to prepare a meal, if my kitchen is a pigsty, I can always pull out the dishes in my room and happily prepare my meal with a sardonic sneer and contempt for the animal kingdom. When I’m done, I wash what I’ve used and hide my cleanliness in a secret cupboard in my room.

My system beats the advice I read on About.com that suggested a disgruntled roommate that cleans up after her best friend should just move out. Really, all I want is to use the kitchen.